[This is a guest post from our friend Michael Gonzalez. Michael is a follower of Jesus, writer, and everyday missionary. He spends most of his time teaching pre-school aged children and serving as a grassroots leader in his community. He currently lives in Philadelphia, PA with his wife Alicia, their three kids, Eva, Mia, and Michael.]
God met me in a war zone
I grew up in a military home. My dad’s dad served in the military. My dad retired as a marine. My mother served in the Navy. My older brother was also in the Air Force. My initial desire was not to serve in the military but to play basketball overseas but when I was 19, I started following Jesus and my desire to give my life to basketball ended. Therefore, joining the military was the logical step for me.
By my fifth year of service, I was married and I had a little girl. Despite the hardships of being away from them, being in Afghanistan was not that bad. I made so many friends and you know, war was just a part of the job. The friends and camaraderie developed in the military runs deep. Even if you didn’t want to be there, you realize at the end of the day we had one task, kill the enemy. It was as simple as that.
Confusion and disillusionment
Here’s something important to know about being deployed. Despite the war-like conditions, rockets being shot at you, bombs being dropped by fighter jets, it can sometimes be pretty boring. There’s a lot of downtime. We spend our time watching war movies, TV series, reading books, or working on fitness goals. I did all of the above but I especially read books and articles online.
Through the grapevine, I stumbled upon an article series called, “Non-violence 101” by Kurt Willems. After reading the first couple of articles I was like, “yeah I guess I agree with this.” But as I continued to read the series, it began to unsettle me. I began to realize that I’ve never heard anyone talk about loving your enemies like this. I mean, of course Christians die as martyrs for the gospel all the time. But non-violence as a way of life, that was altogether unfathomable.
I remember reading another article by Kurt Willems called, “My Non-Violent Tipping Point” where a story is told by a man who was in the military and was overcome by the Peaceable Christ. From that point on I was confused. I began to question, should I be over here? How can I celebrate that we’re dropping hundreds of bombs on image bearers. I worked on F-16’s, A-10’s, & C-130’s. All of these aircraft exist to kill. My conscious was haunted from that point on. Why did I read that article?
Working Through the “What About Stage”
As is natural when working out any paradigm shift, the “what about’s” came down faster than rain. What about the old testament, what about Jesus in the book of Revelation, what about Israel and the conquest, what about the flood?
I needed answers.
I didn’t get my answers when I was in Afghanistan. But I can home a changed person regardless. When I returned my first thoughts weren’t “figure this out”. No, I just wanted to be present with my family. My second daughter was born 3 days after I returned. I wanted to get plugged back into my community and began leading and living on mission as I was before.
As life began to feel normal again though, that nagging thought about non-violence and peacemaking began to creep back. Over time I began reading the works of early church fathers. I began to discover what different traditions had to say about non-violence, just war, christians in the military etc.
I really wrestled with this. My livelihood was at stake, because this wasn’t simply about war and peacemaking, it was about how I cared for my family. Being in the military was my job.
Light Bulb Moment
In the same year, Preston Sprinkle came out with this book called Fight, A Christian Case for Non-Violence. I completely devoured this book and he began to engage every “what about” I could think about with exegetical winsomeness. After reading this book, I was convinced, Jesus is calling me to this. Enemy love is as core to following Jesus as is being connected to a local community. Enemy love is what God in Christ is like.
What’s Next?
But now what? Do I leave the military? I didn’t know. For the next year to be honest, I tried to reason for why I should stay. Financial reasons, missional reasons, but none of them helped me make sense of staying.
After discussing these issues with my wife, she agreed that if I couldn’t serve with a clear conscious then I’d needed to leave and we’d trust God to care for us. In 2015, I decided I would not re-enlist. I had no clue where I would work or where we would live.
I didn’t have a degree but I had some skills I could use as a civilian. Some of my co-workers and friends thought getting out was risky but they spurred me on to do what I now believed. And I did, in 2016 I left the Air Force.
My family and I got rid of all of our possessions minus clothes and my coffee supplies, and we moved to Philly to join a church plant. With no job or home in sight, we trusted God to provide, and quite frankly he has, as always.
Where Am I Now?
I currently live in South Philly. I’m a full time student and a social worker. I’m still working through this paradigm shift of non violent peacemaking as a life style. The neighborhood I live in now is filled with violence from guns and drugs to gentrification and displacement. As of now, I’m learning how deep the rabbit hole of violence goes in my own heart and community. And my wife and I are just getting started to learn what it looks like to be peacemakers in the ‘hood.
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